What a year!


Last year, I wrote a post that allowed me the honor of becoming the first Google search result with the terms "fat bitmoji." As far as legacies go, that's one of the better ones I could ask for.


In it, I do a bit of complaining, as I am wont to do. I mean, why make a fat Bitmoji if some big wig advertiser (graphic design intern) is going to make her THIN. THE MAN WANTS YOU TO HATE YOURSELF!!


Just kidding, it's trendy for companies to be compassionate now. With Trump taking the presidency, there's been a switch in marketing as companies prey on the climate and everyone's lowered morale. Like, Kendall Jenner with that Pepsi SJW ad. They care now, guys!! They're on our side!!! Peace is here!!!


I guess I would say this year has been one of the worst and best years of my life.


I mean, the state of the world is in fucking shambles, and our environment is so gutted that we're regularly having horrific natural disasters. I guess that it's time I (actually) make the switch to a menstrual cup instead of clogging up Mother Earth with tampons and their plastic, never-ever-ever-degrading packaging. [Update: I did it.] 


This year I got off all of my social media with this intention of doing something grand and focused, but all I have done is watched three seasons of Gossip Girl. Ugh, not even three. Two and a half!

Honestly, the only writing I have done is for this dumb, horrible blog. Does anyone even read this BYF? It doesn't matter. At least Megan does, and her thinking I'm funny is what I fkn live for. V A L I D A T E  M E !


I have been trying to get healthier, and for the most part I think I am, but it's also like, there's this omnipresent looming of my own mortality hanging over me. We all die. We should make our lives long, happy, and healthy. But we all die.


I have lost fifty pounds, which kind of messed with me. I think it's hard to lose weight in a way that people aren't really prepared for: you start feeling weird about your identity, like who you are right now is someone in "transit," and soon you'll get to your "best self." I'm just trying to maintain right now, because I feel kind of fucked up from it. ;-P


But I also have better blood pressure, I'm sleeping through the night, and my anxiety is way down. Now my sense of dread is just sort of calm, like, Well, this is all fucked up, but isn't everything? We are specks and nothing matters. I can't believe Serena Van Der Woodsen has all that money and she's wearing that. I wonder how I will die. C'est la vie!


This was also the year where my husband and I started closely monitoring our expenses. Our plan was to start that this year so we could set a realistic budget for the next. Nothing quite humbles a soul like adding up the money spent weekly on Taco Bell.


In December of last year, my soul companion / common housecat Charlie died, and it gutted me. Never had there been a cat like Charlie, and don't fucking tell me everyone says that about their pet because I won't hear it.

I did adopt a cat that's more like a rat, and her name is Millie. She can't meow. She puked all over my kitchen floor so silently this morning that I didn't hear it even though she was right next to me, which is a really fucked up thing for a cat to do.


Anyway, all things considered, I'm pretty happy. This year has been great. I had a rapidly spreading skin infection on my face that was making it's way towards my brain, but it's chill now. I think I figured out how to do my eyebrows (finally). I shaved my head to rid myself of my pathetic sprinkle of hair, and I look way cooler than ever before. I'm grateful for the people in my life, my really fun marriage, my home, my job, my cats, and how easy it is to stream every season of Gossip Girl on Netflix. Life is good.

Hale GoetzComment