Songs for the Fade Into Oblivion
Hey there, how ya doing? Probably not very well! Everything is terrible, and I am in constant disbelief that all my friends, colleagues, enemies, and similar are able to begin each morning anew, if not fresh as a daisy then at least showered and wearing pants. Here are a few delights 2017 has bestowed upon me:
- The company I work for is failing, almost fantastically so, and I’m too stressed to think about boys. Huh? But I love thinking about boys.
- My ex-boyfriend who I broke up with a year and a half ago just MOVED TO IRELAND and GOT MARRIED and he looks, like, annoyingly happy in his recent wedding photos.
- Donald Trump is the president of these here United States, a country I didn’t ASK to relocate to (I’m Australian) back in 1998, when life was still worth living.
- I’m constantly harassed by almost obsessive compulsive thoughts that are completely unnecessary and fully provoked by anxiety such as: Do I have an STD? Am I a drug addict? Am I at risk of becoming an alcoholic? Do I have, like, any talents?
Anyway, my life is falling apart and I’m literally losing my mind and here is a playlist I have created while I burn myself in effigy. You should listen to this playlist on a stoned exercise run, or while your house is on fire and you’re also on fire but everything else is otherwise fine:
"Uber Everywhere" by Madeintyo
I’m definitely not embarrassed about my affinity towards mainstream hiphop. I pretend I can attribute that love to a simple appreciation for words, and the way they leave mouths. Consider the line “Bad bih in LA, tell me that she'll make the trip / Shorty bad as hell, yeah, with them Kylie Jenner lips,” and the way it tumbles from his throat, ahhh love it. Not to provide free advertising to the grossest (but, like, cheapest, I’m sorry) ride share app, but being able to “Uber everywhere” seems like the height of luxury, and maybe having that sort of money is what I require to be happy.
“Drinks on Us” by Mike WiLL Made-It, The Weeknd, Swae Lee, Future
I always love love love when the Weeknd sings about drugs. I spent some time assuming the line “you see no whites inside my eyes and it’s a fun day” meant he was rolling but I was confusing eye-whites with the cornea, because I’M NOT AN OPHTHALMOLOGIST. Actually I think he’s singing about being stoned all day which is, like, not as cool. This song has a melody to die for and surprisingly complementary featured artists. When I listen I’m able to imagine myself waiting in line to enter Magic City on a Monday with ten bands, fifty bands, fuck it man in my pocket rather than remaining present for what I’m actually doing—trudging the disgusting late winter streets of Chicago for a bagged salad at Mariano’s.
“Take Good Care of My Baby” by Carole King
I dunno how old Carole King was when she recorded this song, but she sounds as if she looks like the owner of Star’s Hollow’s music store (so well into middle age, but I don’t think that’s right). I really hate the Gilmore Girls theme song, but I can’t openly detest Carole King because this cover is pleasingly haunting. It’s inclusion on this playlist is also the best indicator that I’ve officially Lost It.
“Hey Arnold (Remix)” by Rico Nasty, featuring Lil Yachty
From Yachty’s first bleats of “LIL BOAT” that ring like a price scanner from the very depths of his heart, this is one of those songs that makes me feel like crying. Why? Seriously dunno. Lil Yachty is 19, fashionable, and calls himself “King of the Teens,” because his music’s for everyone! Even teens! He’s happy and sincere in a way that is somehow not grating. Maybe it’s because I know he’s only happy because he hasn’t yet felt the first painful stings of Adulthood and Responsibility; in other words, the death of everything good and joyful.
“Turn On the Lights” by Future
EVERY PLAYLIST I HAVE EVER MADE INCLUDES THIS SONG. I will never tire of it, it will never stop RUINING ME. “I'm champagne forever / I'm dirty Sprite forever / […] I wanna tell the world about you just so they can get jealous.” Future is so sad; love makes him morose.
“Stun” by Alaska Thunderfuck featuring Gia Gunn
W O W this song makes me feel a lot better about being alive. The newest season of RPDR is airing Fridays on VH1 so obviously we’re all INTO IT, which means drag queen music is not as niche as it once was. “So stunning/ When I'm at the club/ So stunning/ When I'm acting up.” Own it, whatever it is — a dark lipstick or a ketchup stain on your expensive Kylie Jenner brand sweatpants (charge it!) — always, STUN.
“Passionfruit” by Drake
For months, I intended to write a thoroughly-researched article for Burn Your Faves in which I would attempt to decipher the reasons why everyone hates Drake, but that never happened FOR REASONS LISTED ABOVE and honestly I stopped caring. I think most people are pretty whatever about Drake at this point, and while I’m moving in that direction, I still like his music a lot and it was like, the only thing I was listening to at one point, but yeah who cares. “Passionfruit” is what you listen to while lazily strolling down a motorized airport walkway to catch a flight to Spokane. My sister texted me the other day and said, quite simply, “Drake’s new album is like a mix between relaxing tropical vacation and elevator music.”
“Diamonds” by Lil Yachty and Pollári
Just now, I realized he’s not saying “You can check my meat roll,” but rather “You can check my mink roll,” because I looked up the lyrics. No one is denying Lil Yachty’s meteoric rise into the mainstream, and he’s clearly enjoying it! I’m like, kind of into animal rights but more so into fur; wow, a mink coat would be the perfect accessory while I fade into oblivion.