Kylie Jenner is Terror Jr
For the last year, I’ve been lowkey obsessed with mystery pop group Terror Jr. A conspiracy sits at the center of this obsession: that anonymous singer of Terror Jr, known only as Lisa Terror, is none other than Kylie Jenner.
Over the last 12 months, I’ve compiled a list of compelling evidence that Terror Jr is, in fact, Terror Jenner.
So here is my hypothesis: On March 31, one year to the day since Terror Jr’s birth, Kylie will announce she is Lisa Terror. I feel this truth deep in my soul. Here is a timeline that will lead you to the same conclusion.
March 31, 2016
Kylie features the Terror Jr song “3 Strikes” in her Glosses video for Kylie Cosmetics. Terror Jr seems to have not existed before this advertisement for the Like, Literally and So Cute glosses. The song is pretty good. The video is dope.
ALSO March 31, 2016
Terror Jr’s social media presence goes live the same day as the Glosses video. The only person the band follows on Twitter and Insta? Kylie Jenner.
The lead singer of Terror Jr is called Lisa Terror, and she never shows her face. In the band’s promo image, Lisa faces away from the camera. Her hair is a similar peach color to one of Kylie’s many pastel-colored wigs. Honestly, her hands do not look like Kylie’s hands.
May 9, 2016
Terror Jr’s public members are Felix Snow, formerly of The Cataracs, and David Benjamin Singer-Vine. In an interview with LA Weekly, Singer-Vine calls Terror Jr a “social experiment. It’s a puzzle, and we’re gonna give out pieces with each song.” A brief side note: Their label is called EFFESS, which stands for Every Fucking Feeling Equals Something Special, which is just truly mortifying.
October 21, 2016
Terror Jr loves the grape emoji. In October, they answer a Teen Vogue questionnaire using only the grape emoji. Is this funny and provocative or just annoying?
ALSO on October 21, 2016
Terror Jr releases their 8-song Bop City EP. I listen to it a lot. Sometimes I make other people listen to it and they say it is "okay."
November 7, 2016
Revelist finds some receipts. Writer Alle Connell found “3 Strikes” on the American Society of Composers and dun dun DUN, Kylie is listed under “Performers.” You’d think this would blow this whole pop mystery wide open like a piñata stuffed with Kylie lip kits. It somehow… doesn’t?
November 9, 2016
Two days after the Revelist article, Kylie takes to Snapchat. “Hey guys. Public announcement: I’m not the singer of Terror [long pause] Jr or whatever. I love their music, but for those wondering, it’s not me guys. It’s not me,” she says in the video. Are we really supposed to believe that Kylie used a Terror Jr song a mere 6 months earlier in her Glosses video and then forgot the band's name? WE’RE NOT DUMB, KYLIE. WE’RE NOT IDIOTS. WE KNOW YOU KNOW WHO TERROR JR IS. This, above all else, banished my doubts. Terror Jenner is real.
March 5, 2017
A Snapchat filter appears that makes you look like you’re wearing terrible sunglasses while the Terror Jr song “Come First” plays. SUSPICIOUSLY, Kylie does not ever use the filter, although she Snapchats incessantly. Alternately, I use the filter A LOT. “Come First” is the best Terror Jr song.
March 31, 2017
I am proven right.