Are Lorde and Report of the Week the Same Person?

It has recently come to our attention that Lorde (Onion Ring Queen) and Report of the Week (The Burger King) are the same person.

Lorde: Kind young lady who just wants to rule the world.

Report of the Week: Kind young fellow who wears oversized suits and reviews fast food in his car.

Look at this side-by-side.

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Facts:

  • Lorde and Report of the Week both eat half of the food they order in drive-thrus.
  • Lorde and Report of the Week both have bizarre stage names.
  • Lorde and Report of the Week both have corners of the internet where they review food.
  • Lorde is the beauty queen in tears; Report of the Week is running on empty.

Theories:

  • Report of the Week wears a wig when it’s time to be Lorde (because HOW is that gorgeous hair REAL???).
  • Lorde’s latest single will feature the chorus When it rains, you just want Taco Bell.
  • Report of the Week’s throw pillows seen in the backseat of his car are made from Lorde’s outdated clothing.

Are you sold yet?

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Ashley HolstromComment