Snapback #4: Kim Kardashian

Following Kim Kardashian’s brutal 2016 robbery, she disappeared from Snapchat. In January 2017, she came back. We were waiting. We were ready.

Megan Kirby: I guess we should start with the terrible events of October 16. The day Kim went on her social media hiatus, because she was brutally robbed in Paris.

Mark Heffernan: Wait, she wasn’t just brutally robbed. They tied her up and put her in a bathtub. She said she was scared for her life. She thought they were going to shoot her in the back— I know from the preview of the upcoming Kardashian season.

MK: And then she went dark on all social media for what, about three months?

MH: She didn’t return until the new year.

MK: But then! In 2017, in the new year, Kim returned. She had that hiccup where a scheduled LuMee post went up on Facebook, but we’re not counting that. We’re talking about her official social media comeback. I found out she was back because I was in a work meeting, and when I checked my phone I had like 6 texts saying, “Kim’s back!!!” How did you feel when she returned?

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MH: I don’t remember how I found out. I do remember her return to Snapchat. Her first snap was a picture of ripped jeans, and in tiny text—you almost don’t notice it—it says, “Torn.” Those jeans are really ugly.

MK: What do you think it means? “Torn.”

MH: Do you think it means she’s torn up inside?

MK: Is it a Natalie Imbruglia reference? Do you think she was referencing Rip Torn, the actor? Or do you think she was torn about returning to Snapchat?

MH: I think she wanted to come back. I think the Kardashians are really pushing Snapchat, because if you watched the most recent season, everyone’s always like, “I have to Snapchat that.”

MK: The thing is, Kim and Kylie are really the queens of Snapchat. They’re using it better than anyone else to reinforce the rest of their brands. And Kim’s ultimate Snapchat triumph—

MH: I would say one of the biggest Snapchat moments ever.

MK: And one of the best cross-platform takedowns that we will ever witness was when Kim destroyed Taylor Swift.

MH: So Taylor and Kanye have beef, and it amped up because he calls her a bitch in his song “Famous.”

MK: And Kanye claimed she’d given permission. She claimed she’d never heard the song. It was a whole big thing.

MH: It brewed for months. Then it came up on Keeping Up with the Kardashians—they bring Taylor up by name.

MK: It was a rare move for the Kardashians—and Kim in general—because it’s strategic. Kim is so careful with entertainment politics. And going after Taylor by name was basically like, “Oh, we’re at war.”

MH: Then in July, I remember exactly where I was. I was in my living room, and you texted me and said “OMG check Kim’s Snapchat.” She released these grainy videos--she was like filming a laptop screen--that included the audio of Kanye West calling Taylor Swift and running the line from the song by her.

MK: Taylor gives her blessing. She says that it will be funny—like she was in on the joke all along. God, I’ll never forget. Just because it was something we’d been reading about and talking about. I remember I wrote in my journal, “Yesterday Kim Kardashian destroyed Taylor Swift—record for posterity.”

MH: So Kim leaving Snapchat was a big deal. It really was her realm.

MK: And now she’s back! Her second post was true to form: “First selfie of 2017,” and it’s with Kris Jenner.

MH: What’s interesting is that, in coming back, her personality seems to have not changed much. She snaps less. And it’s not as glamorous. It’s a little more basic.

MK: How did you cope with Kim’s three-month absence?

MH: I liked to remind everyone, frequently, to #prayforkim. It was like a good closer. “Okay, I’m going to go for lunch. Pray for Kim.” Just to keep it in the forefront of our minds that she’s struggling. Did you tell people to pray for Kim?

MK: Hmmm. Hmmmmm.

MH: I did as recently as late December. We should still pray for Kim. I’m sure it’s still hard. Except she’s posting from Costa Rica today.

MK: So what else has Kim been snapping since her return? She went to Dubai to lead a makeup class.

MH: I read on the Daily Mail that it was 6 hours long and cost upwards of $1500 to attend. They were clearly filming for the show, because Scott was there for no reason.

MK: At one point, she’s in the middle of a crowd of what look like all men. They’re all wearing t-shirts with her picture on them—but they’re pictures of her from like 2008. Pre-A-list Kim. And they were dancing to Kim’s hit single, “Jam (Turn It Up).”

And then, on January 17 she, Kylie and Kendall were on the set of Ocean’s 11The Women’s Ocean 11. Equality! It’s here! The Women’s Ocean 11!

MH: Do you think their cameo in that movie will be good?

MK: Oh, no. What else has Kim had a cameo for?

MH: She was in the music video for "Thnks Fr Th Mmrs" by Fall Out Boy. She co-starred with a monkey.

MK: The smartest move for this cameo would be them literally just walking through a scene. They should not have any lines. I guess we’ll see.

MH: Then she recently snapped this Diet Snapple Peach Tea, but it’s labeled as “Kim’s Peach Royal Tea.” The logo has a picture of her. Do you think we’ll ever be able to drink this? I don’t think it’s going to be released to the public. I think they just made a few bottles for her.

MK: Can we… Ebay it?  I just googled it, and it is inconclusive on the internet about whether or not we can buy Kim K’s Royal Peach Tea. I guess we can buy Diet Snapple Peach Tea and pretend.

MH: Okay, let’s talk about our favorite Kim snaps. My all-time favorite Kim Snap is a picture that she took pre-#PrayForKim, pre-robbery. She’s like half-glam. She looks good. Her tits are out. She takes a picture and comments it, “fat fucks eating chips tempting me!!!!” Then she drew an arrow to an open bag of potato chips in front of her mirror. I will say, when I saw this, it was jarring and I loved it.

MK: My favorite Kim Snaps—maybe this is because I’m a little baby crazy right now—but I really like when she Snaps with Nori. When they do filters together, it’s so cute and it feels really authentic. Kim comes off as a really good mom.

MH: Wow, that was a little too real for me. It’s not “fat fucks eating potato chips.”

I actually hate kids in Snapchats.

MK: I mean, she’s no Kevin Jonas. Which, real quick—Mark said he would unfollow Kevin Jonas if his next Snap was of a child. Kevin Jonas did Snap again and it was of a filter that made him look like a baby. Did you unfollow him?

MH: I didn’t! Does it count if he dresses like a baby?

MK: It was bizarre because his face was really shadowed, like he took a selfie in a dark room?

MH: He’s a freak!

MK: Every month I’m going to check in on if you’re still following Kevin Jonas. The thing is, when he does Snap, I’m like… GASP.

MH: You never know what it will be. It could be a baby, it could be him dressed as a baby.

MK: Adult baby Kevin Jonas!

MH: Okay, back to Kim. Should you follow?

MK: And I guess the second question is, do we prefer Kim before or after the return? I don’t like her Snapchat as much as before. It’s not as fun. It’s not as off-the-cuff. She’s snapping way less. But she’s the queen of everything she does, so yeah, follow.

MH: I would follow because she’s not Snapping so much that it would feel irritating. It’s not as good as before, but she hasn’t been back for long.

MK: Kim is so good at being famous that her posts—not always, but more often than other people—they feel iconic. She really is a modern icon, and she does a great job.

MH: She’s A-List of what she does. She’s at the top.