Once Bitten: The Story of George Michael's Horrific Transformation

Although “Last Christmas” is thought of as the quintessential Christmas breakup song, Wham! was actually singing about George Michael’s horrific transformation into a vampire, or vampyr, as originally recorded in the English language.

Let's examine:

Last Christmas
I gave you my heart
But the very next day you gave it away.
This year
To save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special.

In the first verse of the song, the narrator (a victim of the vampyr who was turned a year ago) discussing how he "gave" his heart. Although many believe vampires do not have heartbeats, they do. That being said, most vampires do have a much slower pulse than normal humans—around 20-25 beats per minute.

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance
But you still catch my eye.
Tell me, baby,
Do you recognize me?
Well,
It's been a year,
It doesn't surprise me
(Merry Christmas)

Although GM was nervous about letting said vampire transform him, he was bitten—and one time is all it takes. Similarly, a vampire's appearance is said to change and become more alluring after they transform. This way, it's easier to trap their victims. Along with their transformation into a more attractive form, very little will still surprise a vampire because of their heightened senses.

I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying, "I love you,"
I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been.
But if you kissed me now
I know you'd fool me again.

Unfortunately for GM, the bond between a vampire and the one who turned them is so strong, that even if they were able to reverse the effects, they would still return to their master without the proper time and care to clear themselves of the spell.

A crowded room,
Friends with tired eyes.
I'm hiding from you
And your soul of ice.
My god I thought you were someone to rely on.
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on.

GM confers with the other vampires who live near him (presumably in London). Those mentioned with "tired eyes" are vampires who have not yet eaten, and the "soul of ice" referenced belongs to the master, who has spent so many years as a vampire he remembers little of human kindness.

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart.
A man under cover but you tore me apart, ooh-hoo.
Now I've found a real love, you'll never fool me again.

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart (I gave you my heart)
A man under cover but you tore him apart
Maybe next year I'll give it to someone
I'll give it to someone special.

Special...
Someone...

Although the language could be mistaken as symbolism, GM means the above words quite literally. One of the best known ways to kill a vampire is by burning their hearts after tearing their bodies limb from limb. According to the Twilight Saga Wiki, "In the films, vampires are more vulnerable as they can be killed by severing their heads or biting it off their necks. However, fire is still the only known method to destroy them completely." It should be further noted that all examples of vampires in Twilight are very real and 100% accurate.

Still in disbelief over GM's confession of vampirism and exploration of his personal tragedy? If played backwards, "Last Christmas" becomes the following chant, known by Vampires as "Thy Vampire Spell":

I drop the paint
I lose my mind
I shall search the world for more blood
I shall constantly crave blood
I shall have a uncontrollable thirst for blood
I shall become what it is that I wish to become
I shall become a vampire
SO make this me
I shall burn in the sunlight
It shall cause pain to me if I am in the sunlight
I shall want blood
I shall become a vampire so make this me make me a vampire
I am a vampire
I shall no longer be a vampire
I shall be uncontrollable
So make it me

Hale GoetzComment