A List of Compelling Reasons Why Norman Reedus Should Follow Me on Instagram

Last night, I watched the premiere of The Walking Dead with my mom not because she likes the show, but because she has cable and I am manipulative. She kept her eyes covered for most of the episode, but at the end, she peeked out and peeped, "I'm exhausted."

Mom!! You're telling me!!

As is the custom, at the end of TWD, Nerdist Daddy Chris Hardwick's The Talking Dead started. My dad, who was also present, quipped, "How boring. It's just a show," before walking away from the television. (Chris, take note.) I, however, needed to be convinced that those who lost their lives in the premiere of the show were not actually dead IRL, so I stuck around.

As each cast member spoke, my mom asked questions about the actors. And at Norman Reedus's appearance, the audience went nuts. Chris Hardwick made a joke about women's fertility. It sounded like a few people were weeping. "Why does everyone like him?" my mom asked. "He's very dirty."

She's not wrong: Norman Reedus is filthy. He's not traditionally handsome, but there's something about him that makes a select few of those attracted to men almost queasy in necessity. Dirty, filthy, perfect Norman Reedus.

I think a lot of this stems from Norman's genuine compassion and interest in the show and its fans. The other day, I started getting deep into Norman Reedus's Instagram, and I realized something: he follows a lot of small fan accounts. People with 500 followers, even less! People who post a lot of photos of Norman himself, but also people who just occasionally draw Daryl fanart.

And it really begs the question: why isn't Norman Reedus following me on Instagram?

I realize this is a lofty request. Norman Reedus is a famous person, and I follow more people than people follow me on the 'Gram, i.e., I am a scrub. But I'm also an academic, a woman of substance, and I have some compelling evidence as to why this is a very good idea:

  • I'm a nice girl!
  • Norman loves horror movies. I love horror movies. That being said, I'm positive Norman Reedus has less downtime than me. Well, here's something lucky: Every Friday, I write a (fun!!!!) piece about horror movies that I think Norman would find entertaining. I'm watching all of the horror movies on Netflix! I could give him some good recs!
  • I pride myself on my honesty, and so I will always be honest, even here. Okay, ho boy, this is a controversial one: I don't really like Boondocks Saints! The movie itself is okay, but I became physically ill when I saw them accidentally shoot that cat. And with all of the love he shows Eye in the Dark, I think Norman can respect that.
  • Speaking of cats, wow my cats are cute. One is very big and the other is very small. People like opposites and all of the jokes about how one is a different size than the other. 
  • Norman loves Jon Bernthal. Jon Bernthal used to be the background on my phone, and someone once asked me if he was my husband. I said yes. :) 
    • He's not. 
  • All of the Instagram posts Norman makes that I see, I like. Even the ones where I'm not really sure what's going on.
  • Norman loves motorcycles. I don't like driving at all. I don't have a license! If Norman follows me on Instagram, he will never have to see me posting pictures of yucky cars, which we both don't like (so similar).
  • I'll watch that movie Sky. It's been on my Netflix watchlist for ages. I'll watch it.
  • Norman follows Lana Del Rey on Instagram, and one time, they took some pictures together after one of her concerts that I cannot stop looking at. I am the BIGGEST Lana fan. I've had two Lana phone cases custom made, and I have a framed photo of her on my writing desk. I don't even have a picture of my family on my desk.
  • This isn't a romance thing. 
  • One time, I had a dream with Norman Reedus in it. The main plot was about me being held by a cult because of my witchcraft, but the side plot was that Norman and I got tattoos together after I escaped. You know what they say about dreams? Dreams are the language of God. Dreams are the windows to the soul. I could Google more quotes about dreams, but I think you get the picture.
  • My dedication to @bigbaldhead is so strong that I follow Norman on Twitter, even though it's mostly just links to his Instagram (which, as previously mentioned, I follow).
  • I know what "bigbaldhead" means. Do you know what "bigbaldhead" means?
    • I do.
      • Do you?
  • Norman and I agree: Kojima is the BEST. Guillermo is the BEST. I was really excited for Silent Hills, and Death Stranding looks fucked. If you need a Kickstarter or something, I'm good for about a hundred dollars, maybe even two hundred. I can skip my student loans for a month.
  • I don't even post that much, so there's no way I'm an annoying person to follow on Instagram. On the other hand, I will post way more (if that is what Norm is into).

Are you there, Norman? It's me, Hale. @ me.

Hale GoetzComment